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As I spend more than 20 years at the swimming pool, I think I ought to write a list of the worst people you can find in the lane next to you.


You can recognize him because of his way of doing typical of those who goes to pool 2 or 3 times a year. This strange type of “sportive” person wanders with making surprised and amazed and stares at the swimming pool as if it was renovated from the last time he was there (and it could be as he hadn’t come for a lot of time!). the icing on the cake is the outfit of this special person: he always has a beachwear, diving mask and a very poor sub-brand cap (and if he hasn’t one, he will have the shower cup of his old grandma).

When he swims, he always stops in the middle of the lane to adjust again and again his diving mask (which now doesn’t cover anymore his eyes butis arrived to the chin). He always bangs his arms on the lane, producing a noise of broken bones (very similar to a broken cracker). His training lasts for 10 or 12 tanks; when he finishes, he comes out from the pool with a cutting-off and contemptuous. We still don’t know the motivational reasons which pushthis man to approach swimming… most think is an excuse to wash himself.

  1. HAIRY – MAN

He is the link between the Gibbon and Addam’s family cousin, Itt. The presence into the pool of this human subspecies is recognizable from the wake of hair which swings into the water. I’ve never understood because the health and hygiene standards force everyone to use the cap but anything is specified about stuff like this. Urban legends tell that a lot of disappeared swimmers are prey of his hair.


The hateful old man is a certainty in your life. Any pool has, at least, one hateful old man. This type of person is like a Micheline Star: more hateful old man your pool has, more the pool is skilled. As queued at the post office, at the pharmacy, at the bank or at the hospital, no matter the time, you will always meet an hateful old man who will obstruct your training and your relaxed life (it looks lie if they are payed to do that!). you can recognize him because ha always swim with the kickboard doing breaststroke (this is the reason because of a third World War will break out).


He speaks. Too much. Every 12 metres, he stops you for telling or asking you something. You can recognize the “Social One” by two predominant factors:

  1. He is dry as a nail (rightly he never practices sport and probably he has never done)
  2. He leans on the lane as if he was in an hydromassage.

As he knows every life form, including bacteria, at first he will try to approach you with “Hi! Are you here again?” and then he will tell you his whole life. If you want your train to be good, you have to avoid him!


Typically, they are ex professional swimmer and their main goal is that of making you feel inappropriate into the pool. Their outfit, in contrast to that of the occasional, is chosen between best swimming brand: gold-rolled cup, Michael Phelps’ goggles and $400 swimsuit with real triton scales (because the imagine is very important!). This particular person will try to excel on everyone. He often has the tendency to do his the lane, even using acts of violence (like butterfly tanks with widearms), in order to let the people to get further. But, at the end, he will have gotten further because of the several reminds from lifeguard. You can’t speak with him, you can’t obstruct him. If you meet him, you have 3 solutions:

  1. You can sacrifice a kidskin to the god of the chlorine hoping that the arrogant not to pick on you
  2. You can immediately change your lane
  3. You can be an arrogant too

N.B: the arrogant one can become the hateful arrogant old men. This type is letal.

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